Sadness and Pain and Effects of Being Raped

The sadness and pain
are coming again…
Oh no…
– oh yes –
I can feel it.
The tears in my eyes
are forming silent cries;
crying for the many times
I’ve been hurt by guys.
The wetness I feel on my cheeks is real.
I can’t pretend that I don’t hate men.
But I’m not gay – not yet, anyway!
Ha ha ha, what a wonderful joke…
There is a man whom I’d like to choke
and hurt and kill and destroy
and make him feel the pain
that I live through again and again
The excruciating pain deep within myself
that I always hide way down inside,
in my heart that’s been ripped in two.
Oh, my God, what am I supposed to do?
I hate being weak
– I am always strong.
– No – wait – that’s wrong;
I’m not as tough as I pretend to be;
After all, I’m human; I’m me.
And I have feelings like everyone does,
feeling that scare me sometimes because
I don’t know if they are natural or not.
I just know that the ones I’ve got
are occasionally good and occasionally bad.
But now, I don’t know what’s good or bad anymore.
All I want is to be sure…
Sure of everything. And I’m not.
Now what?

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Hi. I'm Lorraine Reguly, owner of Wording Well and Laying It Out There. I'm an English teacher-turned-freelancer-for hire, an author, and an entrepreneur. I offer 4 different services on Wording Well: 1. Writing. 2. Editing. 3. Coaching/Consulting, 4. Author Assistant Services. I like helping others and want to help you! Just tell me how!

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Posted in Emotions, Feelings, Happiness, Life, Memories

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